MEMOIRS OF A SINGLE MOTHER


Growing up in a proper African home, I always heard words like 'If you let any boy touch you, you are doomed forever.. you see Bose, iya Biliki's daughter? Since she got pregnant she hasn't been able to further her education. Is that the kind of life you want?" No ma! I would say. I had vowed then to keep my chastity till marriage because that was the only way I would not end up as a single mother, unwanted or looked down upon by the society. That was the only way I would get a man of my dreams, have the family of my dreams, enjoy my career life and be successful. 
No! No one told me that keeping my chastity still doesn't prevent me from being a single mother. No! No one told me life could pick me up so roughly, spin me continuously till I almost lose my breath and throw me down so hard that I almost break into pieces.
No! No one told me....
But I guess no one knew what life could bring. Single motherhood hit me hard and no one had to say anything anymore. I planned to be many things in my mid-twenties.  Being a single mother definitely wasn't one of them.


My two years marriage had hit a rock and on that cold winter morning when I realised the end had come, the weight of my decision to leave my marriage still wasn't clear to me. It wasn't clear to me that I was about to become a single mother. Yes, that same word I dreaded. That same word that I saw as an abomination.

The Struggles
Oh.. The Struggles! I wouldn't want to lie to you that it was easy. Yet, I wouldn't want to bore you. My journey as a single mother came at a point in my life when I thought I was finally achieving my dreams. I was just offered admission at one of the top fashion schools in the world. I tried to shuffle schooling, working and nurturing my child all alone but I had to face the reality, one had to go. I had to sacrifice my studies, deferred my admission to work fully, miracle won't pay the bills trooping in monthly. I became so sad and unfulfilled and I didn't understand why my child chose to cry almost all night when I was meant to be sleeping and refreshed for the next working day. I lost my self esteem. My social life dropped to 0. Almost drowned in my own tears every night, even my pillow was tired of being soaked. Poor thing!
And Oh! Searching for accommodation in Amsterdam was something else! I was always turned down because of my child. They preferred someone single apparently. Out of frustration, I almost asked a landlord after the same story 'Do you want me to throw this child away?' I had to swallow my words because, really.. NO ONE CARES!

People told me countless times 'You are only worrying so much, you are a woman and women find it easy here in Europe. There are countless older men who needs a companion to live with them.. Better be smart " That wasn't a choice for me and would never be, even though prostitution is legal in Netherlands where I live, never for once did I see it as a choice. I vowed never to give another man a chance, I worked and toiled day and night to make ends meet.

I lost friends, I gained few true ones, I had my family solidly behind me like a rock. Financially, spiritually and every support one could ever think of. I had failed them and I didn't deserve their love but they gave me all the same. I had several crying sessions with my mother on the phone after receiving her financial support many times.
I witnessed people lose respect for me, a single mother is up to no good after all. People I thought loved me, only loved me because I was married. Life!

I once had a heated argument with a Ghanaian guy in Amsterdam and in a bid to insult me, he said 'do we even know why your husband left you?' He sure expected me to break down in tears since that was supposed to be an insult, a big one at that in an African setting. I looked him in the eyes and said.. Why my husband left me or why I left him, you mean? I understand an average African man's egoistic thoughts so well, a woman will tolerate shit no matter what, so it has to be the man that left. He was quiet and still trying to digest my response. I didn't say more, my eyes did the rest.


My knees hurt from prayers, my throat longed for water as I was mostly fasting, my eyes got tired of crying. Do you want to hear the truth? God never left me. Not once! NEVER did He abandon me, NEVER did He make me a mockery. Every of my worries, even those with crazy ultimatum, the Good Lord never made me shameful.

I had suitors, mostly single men and I made sure to let them know I had a daughter even though most of them thought it was a prank to scare them away. Do I look too young to mother a child? I wonder!
A funny one was a cute dude who sent me a DM on Instagram and he goes : 'I saw a girl on your page, is she really your daughter?' I answered in affirmative and then, he had to go look for a breastfeeding video, he goes again : 'I mean, is she your real child.. did you do this with her?' At that point, I was laughing so hard. I told him yes and that was the last i heard of him. I still laugh so hard whenever I remember that particular chat.

Through the pains, the tears, strength was born. Seeing my child grow up so fast, right before my eyes gives me so much joy and happiness. Such a sweet girl!

My experience as a mother single-handedly nurturing a kid isn't something that can just be squeezed into a blog post. Not everyone plans to be a single mother. We all have plans and dreams but Life throws us off balance most times. What you do with the disappointment and downfall is left to you.. Could be your door to success.

Today is my birthday and I'm celebrating my strength. I'm celebrating OMODASOLA OLUWAKEMI ANIKEADE, The woman who has gone through hell, rather than come out burnt, she came out unscathed and even stronger. I'm celebrating this woman who has experienced so many life turbulence in her very short time on earth and still didn't lose her values. There are lot of stories and lessons behind this strong woman today. Hoping to document everything and share with the world. What do you think? I want to hear from you in the comments.

And make sure you drop a birthday message before you leave. It's my FREAKINGGGGGG BIRTHDAY!! !! I also don't mind a little gift from you. Please SUBSCRIBE  to my YouTube channel (completely free) by clicking on this LINK. It would make me really happy.
Thank you so much in Advance!
See you in the comment section below.. 

4 comments

  1. Happy birthday dear Omodasola, May Allah never forsake you in dire moments, I wish you all the happiness in the world and may your daughter be the coolness of your eyes. You're such a brave woman. Enjoy your day

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  2. Mama! You are a strong woman. Qydah is blessed to have you!

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  3. My dear friend..... I feel so lucky to have you as a friend..... Qydah is rilli so lucky to have you as a mother.. Happy birthday my love... Can't wait to see you

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  4. My love ❤️, I would always root for you, You are amazing and I am very pproudof you.You are a LOTUS that blooms everywhere even in the mud.I love you Soo much.

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